3 Rock-Solid Ways to Improve Your Patience (and benefit your relationships!)

The other day, I decided to get my nails professionally done. I was NOT expecting the preparation it takes to apply Shellac nails. First she had this buzzing machine, then trimming, filing, some sort of goop, and I was hesitant that in the end it would turn out pink but it did!

Without the prep work, the application never would have stuck. I needed to be patient throughout the process, if I wanted a result.

There are periods in our life where all we can do is wait until the prep work is complete. Of course we want it to be rushed because humans have difficulty, generally, allowing themselves to be patient in this 'hustle-til-you-drop' society we live in. It is almost counterculture to practice patience, yet the benefits of cultivating a posture of willingness to wait can have a profound impact on your life and in your relationships.

Here's three ways you can improve your patience:

1. Patience is a skill we develop. Growing up I was the most impatient human on the plant (cue: Sunday morning "scream time" waiting for my other family members to finaaallly get ready!) I was inpatient well into my adult life until I started dating an Indian. No, seriously! His THIRD language was English, so it was imperative I developed some patience while he searched for words or took time to explain his thinking process. Now that I'm dating a different Indian, I have this framework of practice I prioritized in my last relationship that is allowing me to be patient with my significant other now, my family, and at work. All that to say, my first suggestion for improving your patience is to enter a space where patience is a requirement. At first you might be fidgety and ancy trying to wait, but it becomes easier as that area in our brain responsible for patience solidify new neuron pathways.

2. In an argument or when you're upset, count to 10 before replying. If you immediately respond, you will snap back. Tone matches tone so as one escalates so too does the other. Count to 10. Slowly. Why? It gives space for the other person to finish their thought. It gives your brain some processing time rather than emotional reactivity, and it shows that you are listening to understand and not just reply. Counting to 10 while desperately wanting to fire back a remark is a good technique to improve your patience!

3. Consider other possibilities as to why someone is taking a long time at the store, or not showing up on time. I call this the 6-pack exercise. Allow me to show you: you told your girlfriend you'd pick her up at 7. It's now 7:15 and you're still waiting. Maybe your brain thinks that she doesn't value and respect your time by not giving herself enough time to be ready on time. So maybe that's true, but tell me five other possibilities. Her mom called and she was delayed. She mixed up the time. She had a hard day and just needed to unwind for an hour, setting her back. She's attending to a family urgent matter. She's burnt out and really doesn't want to go but didn't know how to tell you. Doing this exercise will improve your brain's capacity to think of alternatives. This, in turn, improves our patience level, knowing there's several possibilities. Only 1/6 included her disrespecting your time.